I don't want to lose you
by PatronusCharm22
Summary: "You're going to take it, aren't you?" A frown creases her forehead as she scowls slightly, blowing out a long breath. "I never said that." "You didn't have to." What if Nell wasn't being completely honest when she told Eric all her family thought she was a TV News Editor? What if she told someone the truth?


**This is something I wrote a short while ago for the HeadCannons page and decided to edit last night. It contains my OC Lily from my other fic, "Someone From Your Past" who, to anyone who hasn't read that, is Nell's younger cousin. As I haven't even looked at that fic in so long,(because if I'm honest it embarrasses me)I'm not sure if this fits exactly with the story line but you don't need to read that to understand this so I hope you enjoy!**

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"You're going to take it, aren't you?"

A frown creases her forehead as she scowls slightly, blowing out a long breath.

"I never said that."

"You didn't have to."

I'm standing in the doorway of our room in the cabin; the window is open slightly so I can hear the waterfall running down the hill. Nell is sat on the bed, playing with the side of her fraying blanket; her nails are bitten to the edge of sanity, something that she does when she's stressed.

I would know.

I take a few tentative steps into the room and watch as she curls further into a ball, hugging her knees into her chest, trying not to catch my eye. I try to hold back my anger, my anger at the fact that she's leaving me, and didn't even tell me she was planning to. I feel my face contort because I know how childish I'm being, I know I should be happy for her, but I can't be and that makes me feel even worse.

I cross over to our bookshelf, peering through the things that have been placed haphazardly next to our books. We take a trip up to Colorado every summer with all the family; we have done ever since I can remember and through the time we've collected some pretty strange stuff.

"I'm guessing you're not going to be coming back for a while then, at least not to see us lot," The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them, and I instantly regret it as Nell's expression turns stony.

"It's not my fault Lily. This is a fantastic opportunity, I can't turn it down." Her reply is insistent and I can see she's already made her decision.

"A fantastic opportunity that could get you killed." Again, something I shouldn't have said.

"I knew it was a mistake to tell you what the job actually was, I should have just told you what I'm going to tell everybody else, I'm going to be a 'TV News Editor'," She laughs a little under her breath, "You can't tell them the truth, you know that right?"

"Yeah."

The roles are reversed now; I'm trying desperately to look anywhere but her. She's always been able to read me, and I can feel my anger turning to sadness, which means she'll be able to see it in a second.

I always hated being the youngest, the one that everyone babied, the one that wasn't allowed to do anything because she wasn't old enough. That's probably the reason why I always liked Nell the best; she never treated me like that. My opinion was asked, she never didn't tell me anything because I was 10 years younger than her, we always treated each other the same. But right now all I want to do is act my age, to be the young one, to not have to be strong for other people because they're hurting or worried.

I finally look up at her, when tears start pushing behind my eyes, demanding to fall.

"I don't want to lose you." I whisper, my voice breaking. I squeeze my eyes shut as the first tear slips out, running down my cheek. I wipe it away furiously but another one just slips out after it.

"Oh, Lily."

She opens up her arms and I cross over into them without hesitation, sliding into an embrace that has comforted me for 13 years. Her hand finds my hair and she curls her fingers through it, something she can't do with hers. I take a deep ragged breath as I look around the room that has been ours for so long. The crack in the wooden ceiling where she misjudged my slingshot, the paint splattered rug from when I've sat painting the view from the window, and our mirror that has filled with photos of us throughout the years so only a small space is left remaining for actual mirror usage.

"You're not going to lose me," She whispers into my hair, "I promise that I will do everything in my power to come back to you safely."

I nod slightly, "My big cousin is going out to see the world, working for a fancy agency that catches bad guys."

"I'm not actually going to be catching them you realise," She replies shaking her head a little, "Just working at a computer."

"Still be careful, I need my big cousin."

"I will." She squeezes me tighter; more tears fall onto her shoulder and I breathe in deeply trying to remember her smell. She speaks again, "I am scared Lil."

At these words I extricate myself from her arms and retrieve a photo from the mirror; it's of us last year. We had walked up the mountain to star gaze and had just caught the sunset, Nell being Nell had insisted on a photo. There's a bright blare in the corner from the sun but two faces in the middle, grinning like idiots.

"Take this, so I can still be with you when you go." She nods in reply, as I hand it over to her. She looks at it for a second before placing it in her pocket.

"You'll always be my best friend you know." When she sees I don't believe her, she carries on,

"You will, no one knows me better than you do, I love you more than probably anyone else, even if I don't see you for years, you will always be my best friend.

A tear slides down her cheek so I clamber up onto the bed and snuggle into her once more.

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Nell takes a deep breath as she stands just inside the entrance to the main room of the building; it looks like something you would find in Spain or Italy. She presumes this is the bullpen. Nerves start to crawl up her back again so she fishes in her pocket and pulls out a slightly rumpled photo, herself and Lily, grinning stupidly at the camera. She laughs slightly to herself and finds some strength only Lily can give her, sliding the photo back into her pocket just as a voice rings out.

"Ah, Miss Jones. Do come in, and welcome to OSP."


End file.
